I’m an idea guy. Naturally I have a lot of ideas for stories, designs, concepts, projects et al. Often I paint in broad strokes, but when I get serious about something I have become increasingly good at the nitty-gritty detail work. I presently have lists and lists of tasks to accomplish for establishing my online presence, and for bringing my own comics to life. I’m good at planning. What I stumble with is scheduling and follow through…
The problem I have encountered is that my greater goals are broad in scope and all require a strong devotion of time and effort. I have a clear idea of what needs to be accomplished, but doing it in an organized and timely fashion makes me hit a strong brick wall of feeling lost and… well, as I’ve said before, overwhelmed. I want to run ahead and work on these big, flashy ideas. I want to get to the easier, or more fun, part. But I’m at the part where I have to plan time to organize ideas and make more complex plans.
Often I set myself goals to do work and I’ll sit down to do it and completely blank because, and I can recognize this, I feel like I cannot accomplish my goals. This is mostly psychological and me being self destructive. Oftentimes it is exacerbated by how tired my eyes get. I work with computers all day for money, and all the time for my projects too. I have a mitochondrial condition that causes me to have optic nerve death earlier than there should be. These stack up on me and really tire me out. I think my only real solution is to get additional monitors so that its less of a strain on my eyes to work. Then it’ll only leave my crushing self doubt to waylay me.
My friend keeps telling me that my dedication to, and pursuit of, my dream and passion projects has inspired him. He tells me that I have accomplished a lot. I can’t take the praise because I never feel good enough. I never feel like I work hard enough, which then engenders me to not work hard because “what’s the point?”…
I know artists struggle with this a lot. I know I’m not the only one. I know I sound whiny. But hey, this is my blog and this is my series about my journey towards being a better creator. I own my flaws, and I know they are holding me back. Writing about it has helped me to understand it better.
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